Monday, March 24, 2014

Conversation and letters from mom and Malynne

On Mon, Mar 24, 2014 at 7:50 AM, Jacinda Erbe <jkerbe@comcast.net> wrote:
Dear Malynne,
I love you.  I need to leave for work in 5 minutes so we are going to see how fast I can type.
Yesterday in Church I heard something I wanted to pass on.  2 Nephi 9:39  the last line says "spiritually minded is life eternal"  if you take the first letter of each word it says SMILE!  I am hoping that I will remember that always and that in knowing that I will smile and show how happy I am to be a part of this beautiful gospel.
I have a small package to mail to you.  Debbie Troutman gave me some Chapstick and Stamps about 3 weeks ago and I forgot about them.  I will be mailing them in the pkg.  If you could get a thank you sent off to her it wouldn't make me look so bad.  What do you need?  Does your companion need anything?  Does she get support from home?
How are you getting along with her?  Are things better?  I hope so!!!!  We have kept you in our prayers, every prayer, and you are a constant on my mind.  Bishop Taylor requested that the ward pray for our missionaries BY NAME.  He said that "missionaries"  is too nebulous.  Hopefully you will feel the blessing and prayers that are requested on your behalf and they will buoy you up.
Dad got a bug up his butt this weekend and bought ANOTHER television.  Remember how I said we would NEVER have another TV in our bedroom....well now we do.  It is so big and ugly.  I don't know how long it will be there.....lets just say that I think we will have a TV for yo when you move out.....Someday!
I am so looking forward to General Conference.  Not only do I need the break from church, but I love listening to the words of the prophets.
I am anxious to hear from you today.  I will be watching for you, so let me know when you are on.
I love you!!!!!
Loves,
MOM

Hey mom. :) I'm on right now! Are you there? Let me answer all of your questions quick just in case. :P I need to start sending some stuff home to you. :P Ha ha. Seriously I am going to send home my boots and I don't know if you even want the coat....Maybe I'll just send it home anyway. I just feel like I need to start getting ready to come home soon. You could send Sister Wilbert a hat. She wears the same hat every single day and she would like it. It's in all the pictures so you can see what it looks like. If you want to send a white longsleeved shirt that's like a 2X undershirt that's something else that she wants. The hat is just a request from me. Maybe also a sketch book, she just requested that too. She has support from home, so don't worry about that. Sister Wilbert and I get along most days. I feel like I am pretending a lot because if I have any form of emotion that is contrary to what she wants it to be then she shuts down and I have to work really hard to get her to be happy again. So, yeah that's what I am struggling with because I feel like I am losing my personality sometimes because I am a really really happy robot all the time! So, She is praying we stay together as companions. I told Heavenly Father I would do what ever he asked me to do, but I am exhausted with pretending. So, yeah I don't know what will happen. I was originally told only 1 transfer, but I have done the best with her out of all of her companions so I don't know if they will make me stay. So this is the crazy thing that happened this week. I got super sick from my ears. I have had so much pressure in my head. We went down to Missoula and back and it made me sick because my ears didn't pop. I had vertigo and was just in a lot of pain. The Elders came and gave me a blessing, and I have been taking tons of decongestants. It stinks!  But, there is an ear doctor up here in my ward who will see and treat me and he thinks that he might be able to help. Unfortunately the medical lady thinks that nobody can help and thinks I will be wasting my time. I feel like this is a tender mercy to help take care of a problem that I've had my whole life! So I got permission to go and see him to help with my ears and the problems that they are having right now. But, she said if I have to see him more than once than she would recommend I go home to take care of the problem. Yeah I was not a happy camper about it. So, I called Sister Mecham and she is going to see if she can work things out for me to take care of things so I guess we will see. But, she might call you and ask about my ear problems and stuff just a heads up. :) It's soo funny dad bought another t.v. :P cracks me up seriously! Ha ha. I would love to have one when I move out. Next January, that's still the plan anyway. :P Well, I love you very much! Hopefully I hear from you soon! LOVES!
-Sister Malynne Erbe

The following conversations are a combination of two conversations that are mixed up.  


Mom:  Malynne,
I am still on.  I am hoping that you are on too.  I would be happy to talk to Sister Meacham.  Should I call her?  If there is a doctor that thinks he can help you then go for it!!!  We have insurance, and you can have the bills sent home.
I think you need to stop pretending and just try to enjoy her.  I know that you can do this.
Write back!!!!

Malynne:  I'm still here. :) Sister Mecham might call you, but they are going to work things out and might just let me go for it. Mom, I try so hard to enjoy her, but it's so hard when she gets mad at me for having emotions. I am kind of ready to come home right now. Not gonna lie, this week I have been soo trunky. Probably not the best thing to be. Yeah, days like today are hard. We are in Kalispell and if I am happy to be around Sister Owens I pay for it when we got home and she is so depressed she cries while she prays for like a half hour. Then I have to cheer her up for hours....I am exhausted. I will do what I am asked to do, I am just really tired and just kind of done with everything today. 

Mom:  Malynne, think of how it feels to be a third wheel.  Last week when I saw all your pictures I had a strong feeling that that is how she is feeling.  Make sure that you remember that SHE is your companion and include her in everything (all of your conversations).  I think I may have an idea of her personality....you can work through this.  You DO NOT have permission to come home!!!! :)  Love you.

Malynne:  I will come home in August. And, if she wants to be the third wheel she can be. I invite her into everything and she says "no" and then walks away to tell someone how horrible I am. I saved a seat for her at lunch and we tried to include her in a conversation and she just tells us we are stupid and leaves. Then I just get tired of trying. I am tired of putting on a show to get her to be happy, seriously I am just exhausted. She can be miserable if she wants to be, but I am not going there with her. I am going to talk to people who have a desire to be happy and sociable. That's just how I am feeling because I am seriously standing on my head half the time to get her to join in. So, she is fine when it's just the two of us, but she expects everyone to rearrange their lives to make her happy and it's not gonna work that way. She has to make an effort too. 

Mom:  
 What did you do to your hair?  It looks read in the pictures with the stuck truck.
Malynne:  Well, I tried to dye it all the same color but the box was mislabled so it was like super duper red. So, I tried to put a dark brown in it to even it out and sometimes it looks really dark, and sometimes it looks really red, and sometimes it just looks purple.....that's what happened. 

Mom:  How long until a transfer?  Malynne, put others before yourself.  Keep working on making her happy.  I know it is miserable for you, but you are what she needs.  I think she loves you!  I think she gets upset with you as her way of showing that she loves you, doesn't want to loose you and is jealous when you spend time/maybe enjoying yourself more with others than you do when you are with her.
I hope I am making sense.  I know you are what she wants/needs.

Malynne:  Yeah I know that too. Transfers are in 2 weeks. I could do another transfer, I might even be able to do 2. I know that she has super crazy jealousy issues. I can only put others before myself for so long before I just want to explode though mom. I don't want to spend the next 5 months of my life miserable and being completely exhausted and fake. I was tired this morning and didn't say anything for like 20 minutes and she got all kinds of upset because I was being mean and not talking to her. SOMETIMES I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO ANYONE!!!! I'm okay...I'm okay....I'm okay...I'm okay....I'm okay. I will also be fine if I have to spend 5 months here with her......

Mom:  You are freaking me out.....are you emotionally ok?  


Malynne:  I'm okay I promise. I can do this I know I can. I just have moments where I want to just freak out and then I have to calm down. I am just tired. Mom I have never been this tired in my whole life and maybe that's why I am having such a hard time. I am exhausted in every sense of the word and I am so tired of feeling like I have to carry my own burden and all of my companions as well. I am trying to hand them over to our Savior, but I guess I am just realizing that I don't understand this part of the atonement like I should. I am trying to learn about it more and more. I am just soo tired. 

Mom:  OK.  What color do you want it to be? 

Malynne:  Dark brown. Like a chocolate color....I just give up. When I get home I will go and have somebody do it professionally when I have money ha ha boxes aren't working so much.

Mom:  It is P-day.  Can you take a long long nap?  I know it is more than a physical tired, but a nap and some meditation can help.  Have to tried meditation?  try to make your mind empty.  It is a good stress relief.


Malynne:  It's preparation day, but a long nap would mess up my sleeping patterns for this week. I've tried it. I have tried using the oils that you sent me...but I'm not sure which one exactly would help so much so I've just tried using all of them in one way or another. I haven't tried meditation because I can't not talk. Like if I try to take a breather for myself then things get hard with my companion. Somedays even personal study can be hard if I don't make comments here and there all the way through it. I might be able to do it today when we are at the church and she is occupied with someone else. 

Mom:  The guy I work with, Greg, his wife does hair!!!  So, when yo get home we will call her.  I am so planning on doing things when you get home.  As soon as you have a release date you need to tell me.

Malynne:  My release date is August 16th. Yay! :) I am excited! :) I am soo down for doing things when I get home! going and getting pedicures (much needed....gross!) also fixing my hair and figuring out how to wear jeans again. :P 
Oh, also Sister (kelsy) Owens is coming home with me. :) You should talk to her mom and meet us at the air port at the same time and have a giant Montana flag! 

Mom:  Oils for sleeping are Lavendar, Serenity, lavendar, lavendar, lavendar!!!!  Do you need more oils?  Which ones are you out of and which ones do you want.  The man is here to clean the carpets and I am on and off the computer.  I will watch for your response closely.

Malynne:  I have to leave in a minute. There is a lady here who told me she would refill any of the oils that I have that need to be refilled. :) I don't know I just need something to make my headaches to go away and help relieve stress. 

Mom:  We will get you a pedicure the first day available (for you).  And we will make a hair appointment the day you get home.  We will be going shopping!!!!!  And we will be going to see Le Miserables!!!

Malynne:  Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes YESSSS! :) Yay! I can't wait to come home! ) 
I have no idea flight info, you should know before me. :) I kind of just want it to be our family too. 

Mom:  For stress Lavendar, frankensince, lemon, and.......can't think, can't think and can't get to my book.  Lavendar will do wonders for you!!!  Try IN TUNE for stress also.   Let me knwow what you need.  LOVES

Malynne:  I need in tune, I don't have that one. I will try lavender. :) 
 K, well we are heading out. :) I will talk to you next week, and I will write you a letter if I am going to explode. 

LOVE YOU! 








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